Assertive Behavior

The way we respond to honest, sincere, feedback is very important to ones’ self-growth, development and success in life. In addition, the more healthy we are in the areas of self-growth, the more we will seek additional honest, sincere, feedback from trusted friends, relatives and co-workers. That is the beautiful part of responding properly to feedback given to us in the second quadrant of the Johari Window. However, if we are not comfortable with honest, sincere, feedback and we avoid it and/or shun it completely, we will shut down our ability to improve our self-growth and be resentful, even revengeful to those who gave us the honest, sincere, feedback in the first place.

Therefore, we must first recognize the improper reactions and responses to honest, sincere, feedback. Next, we need to learn the steps of proper reactions and responses to this feedback and practice them again and again until we are comfortable with them and do them naturally. Again, we are talking about honest, sincere feedback from people we trust. If we do not trust the person giving us the feedback, then we need to go to someone we do trust to get verification and validation to the feedback we received. That is one step most of us will not do (or we do it in such a way as to pressure our trusted friend into sugar coating their response or negating the feedback altogether). Therefore, true feedback may be stifled because we do not want it exposed any further or validated beyond the person who gave it to us in the first place.

Feedback Reaction and Response Alternatives

Improper Reaction/Response.................................... Proper Reaction/Response

1. Resistance and Anger *......................................... 1. Resistance and Anger *
2. Resentment............................................................ 2. Reassessment of the Feedback
3. Rejection.................................................................. 3. Reconstruction
4. Repression............................................................... 4. Self Growth
5. Revenge.................................................................... 5. We become healthy and well rounded
6. Retaliation either with Active or Passive Aggression
7. Self Growth is stymied and shut down
8. Further Feedback is avoided altogether

It is interesting to note that the first step on both the Improper and Proper Reaction/Response is the same (i.e. Resistance and Anger). That’s because none of us really like to hear these kind of things because we just do not want to admit them and/or, once we hear it, we refuse to do anything about it.

However, as we learn the Proper Reaction/Response steps and practice them religiously, something fascinating begins to happen, this step begins to diminish and eventually disappear altogether.


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Johari Window Explanation

Two psychologist teamed up to develop a very simplistic way to understand our behavior, how others see our behavior and how all this has a tremendous effect on our life’s potential, especially when dealing with and communicating with others. They did not try to weave into their explanation personality disorders or profiles. They just wanted it to be simple so we could grasp it and use it. One psychologist’s first name was Joseph (Luft). The other psychologist’s first name was Harry (Ingham) so they shortened the title to Johari. They believed information was the currency of business and proper communications was the ability to compound your currency.

The first quadrant, if you look at the visual, is the General Public quadrant that tells us about how others see us and how we see ourselves. For instance, I know you are a sharp dresser and you know it too. Or, I know that you love to hunt and of course, you know that too. Or, you know you have a quick temper and I know it too. Or, you and I know you are good with figures but hate public speaking, etc. etc. These are things you and I both know about you and we would agree on them for the most part.

The second quadrant, if you look at the visual to the top right, is the Blind quadrant that tells us about the fact that there are many things about you that others know and see about you, but you have a blind spot to them (you do not see it and/or will not admit to it). We would also call this a bad breath area of our lives because virtually most people who have permanent bad breath (or medical bad breath), do not know it until it is pointed out to them. Once they are told about it, they either decide to do something about it or not. Obviously, if you did have medical bad breath (vs. onion breath from a hamburger), and to succeed, you needed to socialize with people and communicate closely with people, you would do something about it, so long as you realized the bottom line benefit. In this quadrant, the feedback must usually come from someone you trust. In addition, it must be honest and sincere feedback. Many times people are very defensive in this area of feedback because they do not like to hear these things about their behavior, traits and characteristics.

The third quadrant, if you look at the visual to the lower left, is the Hidden quadrant that tells about your masks, and hidden agenda areas. Usually you know about them (unless they are deep rooted psychological problems that are truly hidden until you seek professional help and reveal them), but you do not want them revealed for various reasons.

The fourth quadrant, if you look at the visual to the lower right, is the Potential quadrant. As we grow ourselves and as we “open up” to others in a relationship (business, personal or otherwise), we expand our potential in life. However, until we seek out honest, sincere feedback in quadrant two and work on improving ourselves in quadrant three, we will stymie our self-growth and relationships with others.
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The Center of the Bible

The next time someone says they want to find God’s perfect will for their lives and they want to be in the center of His will, just send them to the center of His Word.

For Instance…
What is the shortest chapter in the Bible?
Answer---Psalms 117
What is the longest chapter in the Bible?
Answer---Psalms 119
Which chapter is in the center of the Bible?
Answer---Psalms 118

There are 594 chapters before Psalms 118.
There are 594 chapters after Psalms 118.
Add 594 and 594 and you get 1188.
What is the center verse in the Bible?
Answer---Psalms 118:8

Look closely at this verse and ask yourself… does this verse say something significant about God’s perfect will for our lives? So the next time someone says they would like to find God’s perfect will for their lives, and they want to be in the center of His will, just send them to the center of His Word to get started.

Psalms 118:8 KJV
“It is better to trust in the Lord than to
put confidence in man.”

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